tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6402640602628647606.post7398427706838552890..comments2024-03-12T01:15:08.068-07:00Comments on Ashley Nixon : Jobs! Ugh.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00503400522084515874noreply@blogger.comBlogger8125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6402640602628647606.post-86134166185671396592011-06-04T08:28:02.217-07:002011-06-04T08:28:02.217-07:00Thank you Anita and Marian!!
Cherie and K.V - th...Thank you Anita and Marian!! <br /><br />Cherie and K.V - thank you, too! I agree. I'll look over it some more. Combining sentences is nothing compared to rewriting it, lol! <br /><br />Thanks Sophie and Julie! lol.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00503400522084515874noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6402640602628647606.post-67506866565847138482011-06-02T15:38:34.118-07:002011-06-02T15:38:34.118-07:00The query sounds great!! Seriously, I *so* want t...The query sounds great!! Seriously, I *so* want to read your book! I'm with Cherie though, bump up your first sentance and combine it with the second if possible :) I'm going to check out the july Blog-o-rama, sounds like exactly what I need to get my tushy in gear. <br /><br />Good luck with the Job hunt and revisions!K.V. Briarhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05508488198134394672noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6402640602628647606.post-15081832354818042082011-06-01T20:59:06.934-07:002011-06-01T20:59:06.934-07:00Your story sounds like a great read! Good luck wi...Your story sounds like a great read! Good luck with the query AND with the job search.Julie Musilhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02150454913885915017noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6402640602628647606.post-51503765372050996482011-06-01T09:10:03.080-07:002011-06-01T09:10:03.080-07:00HA! Sorry Anita, just saw that... Looks like we bo...HA! Sorry Anita, just saw that... Looks like we both love you Ashley! :DJulianna Scotthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02458828225770120976noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6402640602628647606.post-21953634632872874912011-06-01T09:08:43.793-07:002011-06-01T09:08:43.793-07:00Hi ! You are one of my blog followers, and I love ...Hi ! You are one of my blog followers, and I love your's and have tagged you for a 'Writing is like..." meme. No pressure, only do it if you want to. Check it out at my blog or at thestarvingnovelist.blogspot.com to see Angela Cook's.Julianna Scotthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02458828225770120976noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6402640602628647606.post-87580608815065434292011-05-31T12:35:02.170-07:002011-05-31T12:35:02.170-07:00I haven't read your previous queries, so this ...I haven't read your previous queries, so this is totally a cold read for me.<br /><br />IMHO, your first line needs more oomph as a hook. It's good right now, but it can be better. The hook should tell us right away who's your protag and what stands in his/her way, and ideally, there should be a hint of a resolution without giving away the ending. In an ideal world, right? Hehe. Cause I always have a hard time myself with that.<br /><br />I think you can tighten this first line by combining the first two sentences. Something like (my lame attempt):<br /><br />Barren Reed, a notorious pirate hunted by The Orient government, must find his father's treasure even if it kills him. <br /><br />Since your 2nd sentence doesn't really give us anything more but the fact that he's a pirate, and if you add that info to your first line, then you can cut out the unnecessary line. Gives you more room to expand.<br /><br />Just my 2 cents!Precy Larkinshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16714824672731935371noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6402640602628647606.post-50233138551264442882011-05-31T09:29:40.574-07:002011-05-31T09:29:40.574-07:00The query is shaping up nicely, girl! And that blo...The query is shaping up nicely, girl! And that blogfest sounds super. :)<br /><br />BTW, I'm tagging you for a meme tomorrow. I know you're busy w/rewrites (me, too, heh) so no rush on getting it up. It'll just be waiting for you when you have time to do it and need an idea for a post. See you soon, and keep up the good work on the WIP! Oh, and good luck on the job hunting, too. :)Anita Grace Howardhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01797870961916148616noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6402640602628647606.post-18863040667509057632011-05-31T09:27:54.593-07:002011-05-31T09:27:54.593-07:00I like this version a lot. It seem to command more...I like this version a lot. It seem to command more attention. Good jobAnonymousnoreply@blogger.com