General Anxiety Disorder

Hey guys!
I know the topic of my blog is a little weird, huh? Well, not for me recently. I was diagnosed a few weeks ago with General Anxiety Disorder (yeah, it means exactly what you think, I am GENERALLY anxious). I guess you get diagnosed when your anxiety is affecting your daily life.

So, initially I thought I was stupid. I felt like, "Man, Ashley, this is something YOU can control. You are making yourself this anxious. Stop!"

Well, the problem is, I don't know HOW to stop myself. I have no coping mechanism for when I get really stressed out.

I take that back--my only coping mechanism is writing, but when I get so busy with school, work, and whatever else is happening in my life, I cannot always write. So, when that is taken away from me, I am left with a struggle between my thoughts and my body. My stress weighs so heavily upon my chest, I can FEEL the pressure. All I do is suffer through it.

An example is that I put so much pressure on myself to be absolutely great at everything. Everything I do has no other option other than you either do this or you fail (this is like when you are in the driver's seat, and you only look straight ahead, but as a passenger, you can see everything on either side of you)...I can't ever BE the passenger. I know exactly where I got this mentality, too--from my childhood. I had this whole, "Well, if you don't get a job, you can have what you need or want" so you better get a job. Then it was "Well, you need a car or you can't get to work, so you have to save for a car, and you have to work 30 hours a week" then it was "Now you have to pay for that car, so work more, more, more" Then it was "You need to work REALLY hard for this scholarship or you can't go to OU."

See my options? I gave myself NO leeway even if there was room. This has carried over into my adult life, and frankly I am tired of it. I want to cope with this anxiety and SEE the other options out there. I don't want to feel overwhelmed anymore by my own doing. Why am I telling you this?

Well, I think it's very important to realize when you have a problem. Me--well, my professor told me as a freshman I probably needed therapy because I stressed out SO much and it took me four years to listen. So, here I am--my first counseling appointment down and I am hopeful that I will be mentally healthy soon.

This step is all a part of an overall goal I set for myself in May: I wanted to be healthy in body and in my mind. So, I began working out (more on a routine this time), and I started eating healthy (completely, cutting out soda and coffee), and now I am getting help with my anxiety.

Blogfest: What's Your Chocolate?

Today I am participating in the What's Your Chocolate?" Blogfest hosted by the wonderful people you see listed on this picture above. lol.

Laura Eno
M Pax
Brinda Berry
Ciara Knight

Check out their wonderful blogs (and books!).

Okay, so for this blogfest, we are supposed to:

" Post about your favorite chocolate – what it means to you, where and when you indulge, a favorite memory – anything chocolate-related."

So...

1. My favorite Chocolate:

Hershey's Dark Chocolate.

 http://candyaddict.com/blog/tag/special-dark/

Many people don't like dark chocolate, but I swear when I eat it, I feel loads better! AND diabetics can eat it! I am not a diabetic, but my Daddy is and I tell him as a treat, he can have a square of dark chocolate now and then to satisfy his sweet tooth. Because of this, eating dark chocolate doesn't make me feel like I cheated on my healthiness. Yay antioxidants! lol. 

Now, I don't eat chocolate often, but when I do, I probably had a particularly off-day, or maybe I don't feel good. My favorite thing to do is freeze and entire bar and then break pieces off and eat them like that--for some reason, it's just better! I definitely remember days during my undergrad where I'd be studying and just stop, sigh and say, "I need some dark chocolate." Aladdin would run to the gas station near us and get a bar, and he'd get something like a Dr. Pepper (his caffeine) and it definitely made studying easier--it must have magical focusing abilities or something. :) 

What's your favorite chocolate? Or do you even like chocolate? lol. 

Schedule/Announcement/Editing :)

Hey guys! Sorry I haven't been around as often as I would like. I have a lot of news so bear with me. :D

1. I began graduate school this week. I am taking 3 online classes because I work 40 hours during the week. My masters will be in Library Science and Information Technology, and my focus is Young Adult and Middle Grade studies.

2. Because of this, I have myself on a strict schedule:

Basically, I will begin waking up at 5:00am to work out, working from 8-5, and from 5-9 I can work on homework, or what have you. From 9-10, I will ONLY work on my book.This way, I shove everything I need to do in each day.

3. I FINISHED THE FIRST DRAFT OF MY BOOK!

And I am almost finished with the first set of edits. I plan on finishing the remaning 76 pages today. I wanted to take you through my editing process this time because I am notoriously...bad at editing. I don't like it, I can't tell you how many times I turned in papers that weren't edited because I just didn't like it....(probably won't be doing that in Graduate School, especially since I came up with a way that I like to do editing).

First, I made a color coded charge of what my highlights meant:

Then, I searched "Things to look out for while editing" and chose what I felt were my top problems.

A. Passive versus active voice
B. Repetition of word use (this is something unexpected. As I was editing, I noticed that I really liked reusing words.
C. Cut the use of too many adverbs.

With these in mind, I began to edit. The first five chapters of my book are not as colorful (meaning highlighted), but the rest have been vibrant. Which isn't a bad thing, because I knew what I had edited most as I went along. Also, I am sticking to paper edits until I am finished with the entire book, then I am going to focus on my word processor edits.

This process has been really helpful for me, and I also made a page of changes (using colorful sticky notes) and today I transferred that to a new outline of the end of the book.

I have come to realize that PROCESSES are the best way to get things finished, and mine have worked for me. Another realization? You NEED to find things that made what you're doing more enjoyable. I'm not sure why highlighters and sticky notes make editing more fun for me, but I definitely like it more because of that.

Okay, so I am off to stick to my schedule. :) I hope everyone has a wonderful day! I will be blogging on Sundays from now on (PROMISE), and checking out blogs. I decided I would being using the RSS feed to make it easier to follow everyone and comment and read. (I have to use it for class as well).

The Swing of Things

Well, I did not make my August 1st deadline, however, I am not too surprised, as days really do go by fast, lol. So, my new deadline is the 20th. At least it's within the month, right?

Once I finish my draft, I'll be posting about my editing/beta reader adventures, then onto more query letter posts cause we all love those right?

I wanted to talk about this rewrite in depth. I know everyone probably knows how bitter-sweet it was to let go of my old draft. It was something I had nurtured and attempted to patch up for years, and then one night, I decided to let it go thanks to a very good and insightful friend. At that point, I wanted to burn everything with it. Everything.

But I didn't.

And it was good that I didn't. I respect myself more as a writer after having gone through such a bitter 'breakup' with my old draft.

What has happened so far in this new draft?

1. It is more focus.

A few months back I wrote about how I was confused about my genre. My characters were too old, but was my writing adult enough to be considered Adult Fantasy? Then there was word count--I had too much story.

Now that I am rewriting, I am conscious of all these things. The ages of my characters are appropriate, my writing is for a YA audience, and my word count won't get too high.

2. I stopped worrying about what people would like.

Yeah. I didn't realize I did this before, but I found that I was constantly thinking about how people would react to something in my book instead of thinking about my story.

Now, I'm not saying that thinking about how people will react to your book is bad, I'm saying that while writing your book, I think it is imperative that you think of the story first, and then the reception after. Basically, take it one step at a time.

3. ...Speaking of steps...

The MOST VALUABLE thing I have learned: outlines are your friend. And you don't have to stick to the original outline or anything, but having a direction for your characters to go and having a story for your characters to follow is very helpful.

And don't think of outlines as your enemies, or as cheating, because it's not cheating...it's just not. I'm not sure why I thought they were so bad.


Okay, as far as job news goes: I get to write the newsletter!! I didn't have a very cool one this month, but I'm hoping September is pretty epic. :D

I also bought some things for my desk:

Also, I get to decorate my desk with a very important piece! 

YAY DIPLOMA!!

Okay, I am off to finish my book!

<3
Ashley

Book Review: The Keeper's Flame.

This has been long in its coming, and I apologize (Barbara)! Today I am going to review book two of Barbara Kloss's Pandoran Novel series, The Keeper's Flame. Barbara (you can get to know her a little better over at http://scribblesnjots.blogspot.com/) is a beautiful and talented woman. She has become a source of motivation for me, and a mentor (with or without her knowing it), and she has written two AMAZING BOOKS.

First and foremost, if you have not read Gaia's Secret, DO SO NOW!

Here is a link to the book:

Kindle Edition
Paperback

Now, for the sequel: The Keeper's Flame: (WARNING, if you have not read GAIA'S SECRET, you might not want to read on!).

Kindle Edition
Paperback


Now for those of you who have read Gaia's Secret, it is about a girl, Daria Jones, who sort of stumbles into a world of magic. All her life she was sheltered by her father, though he was always gone one 'business' trips. She found happiness and comfort in a family, The Andersons, who she thought would always be there for her, but as it turns out, her best friend, Alex, just sort of leaves one day and Daria is devastated, so she pushes them away.

Then one day, all of that changes and she is pushed into Gaia in search of her father, accompanied by the Del Contes (formally, the Andersons), and Alex himself. Daria enters an amazing and beautiful world of magic and frightening creatures. It's a world where Daria doesn't really feel that she belongs--in fact, the connection she has to Gaia is so strong, the reader can feel it! It is also a world in which she HAS to belong. She has no choice--it is where her family is, where her mother died, and where secrets remained buried deep.

**Spoilers Ahead**

Now, if you didn't finish Gaia's Secret (AND I don't know how you couldn't!), you wouldn't know this, but Daria is a Princess, and The Keeper's Flame is sort of centered around Daria's inner struggle of trying to be a Princess with no magic in a Kingdom where you really are a nobody without magic. Instead, Daria trains with her brother Stephan in secret, determined to undermine her grandfather's oppressive rule. Daria is a very strong character. Not only is she independent, but she is also intuitive, having a distinct sense of right and wrong, she is very geared toward justice.

Barbara contrasts Daria well with Stephan, her brother and the heir to the thrown by demonstrating how cowardice he can be in situations, and how he is unwilling to stand up for himself or what he believes in. He sort of just goes with the flow and Daria calls him out on it. Unlike Daria, he is also not willing to take risks. You see this change slowly as Stephan realizes he cannot always be so passive.

New and old characters surface--those you will hate and those you actually (surprisingly grow to love). I won't tell you about man of them, but I'll talk about Alex. Alex appears at random throughout The Keeper's Flame, and his personality is like a spark. He is a character you automatically love and want to see more of, and it will be interesting to see how much he is developed through the other books, considering his presence will (hopefully) increase.

Now, The Keeper's Flame takes place mainly in the castle. At first I wasn't sure how this would work out. Literally, 3/4 of the book are behind walls, but let me tell you, there was no lack of action or interest! I'm not sure how Barbara managed it, but I was thoroughly entranced the whole time. Between balls and magic, and creepiness, it was a mixture of suspense and surprise. The main source of suspense comes from The Games, a tournament different territories fight in in hopes of gaining the Unity Stone, and the rumor that the Dark Rider has returned for it and Daria.

Without magic, however, Daria doesn't understand how she can be of use to the Dark Rider, and her only hope is saving Fleck, a Dalorian child who could prove to be very dangerous as he comes into his powers.

This book has so many well-crafted and well-kept secrets, you'll be turning pages to figure out who is on the right side! I can't tell you anymore, I don't want to give it away, but hopefully you'll read both books and hold your breath for the third! I am!

Snippet! :D

Hi, everyone!

I am so excited to finally begin getting into a schedule that feels right! Mind you, today was my first day at my new job, and while my brain has been packed full of new information and it will continue that way for a while, it was a wonderful first day! Now, I still have my goal set to have my first draft finished by August 1st.

See my note in my planner:

You think that's enough motivation? That face does look pretty mean!

So, there's that. Also, I wanted to share a snippet of what I've been working on...so, without any further rambling, here is a piece of CUTLASS!

Barren glared at the Elf. “Don’t tell me you expected her! How could she ever agree to marry my brother?”

Leaf shrugged, a smirk crossed his lips. “Ask her.”

Barren froze. He watched her again. She was happy; he could hear her laughter—full of love, of affection for life. His stomach flipped and a knot formed in his throat. He shook his head.

“I’ll wait,” he said.

Leaf rolled his eyes. “We’ll be here forever.”

“Well you didn’t expect me to just walk in and take her, did you?”

“Yes, actually—you’re Barren Reed, you do stupid things all the time and it somehow always works.”

Barren laughed, but said nothing. He was still watching Larkin. He wondered if she would ever be alone tonight—surely she would tire of so many people gawking at her. Barren watched the men around her. Though they had ladies on their arms, they still cast her yearning, hopeful looks. The women, though smiling and enthusiastic kept a jealous glint in their gaze, always checking their hair against hers, their dress, even the way they spoke. Did she know she had no friends among those she kept?

In that moment, she turned her head and her eyes met Barren’s. Her face captivated him—her features, though happy and joyous, did not reflect the same in her eyes. No, her eyes were filled with confusion and worry. As she stared, her smile faded, but Barren tilted his head to the side as he held her gaze and smirked. She seemed lost in that moment, unaware of what she was doing. Someone touched her arm and she broke her gaze. Barren looked away before he could tell who had disturbed her.

He turned around. “Come on, Leaf,” he said and retreated though the crowd of people and into the shadows of the courtyard. 

lol. Okay. I hope you enjoyed that! :) Tell me what you think. Do you like Leaf? I think it sounds more YA, which was my goal. 

Love, 

Ashley

Independence Day!

Happy Birthday to America! :) I am going to my dad's house soon to celebrate! I have been working on my book furiously, trying to edit at the moment. I kinda hit a wall as to how I wanted a scene to go, so I figured I'd read and edit up until that chapter, and by then I will have figured something out. LOL.

I am hoping to give you all a little snippet soon! Also, my new job begins Monday! I am very excited to begin! I also hope to see you all more as a result! Have a wonderful day and happy 4th!